Would You Have Done That, Knowing What You Know Now?

It was a question to make you blink and become aware of your brain skidding in real time as it attempts to gain the traction that comes with understanding what was just asked. Then the Gods of Logic come to your aid as you realise the question is unanswerable: How could I possibly have acted differently at the time when I didn’t yet know what I know now? And of course, if you had known then what you know now, you would have done things differently. Duh!

But would you be willing to risk insulting your interrogator by giving such a logical response? If it’s someone you don’t know well and won’t be meeting again, you could always smile (aka ‘Mwah, Mwah!’) and move on? But what about a client or a friend? In this particular moment, the question may have come from someone who was curious but showed poor empathy… perhaps because they did not understand the content and impact of their question.

Seeing Clearly Only After the Fact

Hindsight is a luxury none of us have in real-time. In real life, we often don’t know the right response to novel situations. And the right response always varies according to who is involved (participants and their cultures) and the environment (markets or institutions).

Most of the time, to get by, we apply:

Our own general knowledge
Skills from other situations
Knowledge of what we have been told ‘should’ happen in certain situations

But sometimes we reach a moment where the usual strategies are not enough. The environment is new and we need to learn new skills to respond.

This is where Transformative Learning begins.

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Transformative Learning: When The Familiar No Longer Fits

Our brains[1] earn the predictable elements of our (sensorily complex) environment as we grow and live, and we build experience. This allows us to recognise and focus on the unexpected when it appears. Being able to do so is not only good for survival, it also helps stop us from being overwhelmed by the ‘noise’ of everyday.

What is Transformative Learning?

Transformative Learning is when we are pushed beyond what is predictable and into learning adaptive (not reactive) responses to something new or unexpected.. It is hard as we have to push beyond our fear of making mistakes, and of the unknown, into associated uncertainty, to try something new.

This is why psychotherapeutic expertise in coaches is helpful. It means they are able to support you to contain that overwhelming fear, so that you are able to respond to the unexpected without overwhelm

Why Psychotherapeutic Support Matters in Transformative Learning

Support from psychotherapeutic coaches such as Ann Todd, is really helpful when you need to learn how a new environment works in real time or improve existing skills to cope better with it and move to some form of improved competence.

Organisations try to offer versions of this through training and mentoring programmes. But not everyone has access to these, and not every situation fits neatly into an internal programme. Sometimes, we need a space that is independent, confidential and tailored to the individual.

The Parenting Parallel: Why “Good Enough” Matters

This is the essence of ‘Good Enough Parenting’, where, in learning a completely new skill (parenting), we come to understand the high challenge of the task while also forgiving ourselves for the inevitable mistakes we will make along the way. Parenting diverse children and teens (including those with Mental Health issues such as anxiety) adds additional challenges and easily results in parent overwhelm.

Here too, transformative learning is happening. As a parent, you are adapting to a world you did not grow up knowing, managing environments you did not design and supporting a child whose needs and experiences may differ from the predictable norms.

Leadership and Parenting: More Similar Than They Appear

Combining leadership coaching and parent support may seem an unusual mix, but they are closely allied. Both involve leading and supporting others through challenging experiences and times – be that developmental or organisational – and not succumbing to the natural overwhelm of transformative learning.

Whether in a boardroom or a family kitchen, we are often learning in real time, adjusting to the unexpected, staying steady in the discomfort and choosing responses that help growth rather than hinder it.

If You Need Support, You’re Not Alone

This article hopes to offer insight and be helpful as you navigate the various challenges of your life, professional or family. If you would value a conversation, whether as a leader, a parent, or both, I am here.

For advice or support, Contact me today. At The Performance Practice, we never charge for our first conversation.

References

[1] The literature on attention tends to be ‘dry’ and Year 1 psychology textbooks are a good place to start.

The human brain has evolved to pay attention to the unusual because it has ‘mapped’ the usual sensory inputs (sound, sight etc.) in its environment as it reached adulthood. Much of this processing is automatic and allows us to respond quickly. As the novel is often dangerous, the mapping also frees up cognitive resources for when the unusual occurs. This is part of the reason that transformative learning is often challenging.

Would you have done that, knowing what you know now?

Seeing Clearly Only After the Fact

Transformative Learning: When The Familiar No Longer Fits

What is Transformative Learning?

Why Psychotherapeutic Support Matters in Transformative Learning

The Parenting Parallel: Why “Good Enough” Matters

Leadership and Parenting: More Similar Than They Appear

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If You Need Support, You’re Not Alone

References

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