Is AI your new ‘Best’ friend?
Developing Emotional Skills in the AI Age in Gen Z.
Mark Zuckerberg[1] suggests that loneliness could be cured by using an ‘AI Friend’, quoting Pew research[2]. The issue he was discussing? Generation Z is apparently friendless and lonely. The idea caught my attention, but is AI good at developing emotional skills in humans?
Zuck may have confused the research around how many friendships we need, and how close they should be. In the Huff Post article he says, ‘I think it’s like 15 friends or something, right?’. Zuck doesn’t differentiate between close friends, friends, acquaintances and family. If you don’t have 15 ‘close’ friends, don’t worry, the majority of us have maybe 3 or 4.
Why emotional skills matter:
Friendship is important[3] for human physical and mental health. The ability to make and retain friends develops from the natural selfishness of the toddler, to the almost adult awareness of the teen. [4]. Emotional and social skills are taught and practiced, not ‘preloaded’ or innate. Gen Z are the anxious generation and so they find making friends harder and unlike previous generations they are able to avoid the anxiey by living their social lives online.
Real life. Right now:
‘Bear’, (Gen Z), informs me that many of their course cohort (16-19 tech) use an ‘AI Friend’. They remark that users are often teens who find it difficult to talk about their emotions and use ranges from a ‘bit of a laugh’ through to dependency. I am further told that there is a choice of ‘AI Friend’ personality, with attributes from fictional or real-life (e.g. sports) characters. Who wouldn’t want Harry Potter as a mate?
It seems the use of this tech is already widespread amongst youth and children. It is preloaded on all our devices including smart phones. As parents and carers we need to inform ourselves about the rise of the ‘AI Friend’. Leaving the development of the emotional skills of our youth to Zuck or his Tech Bro colleagues, all with products to sell, seems a poor idea.
Difficulties:
- Data collected from using the tech is unregulated, as is the use of the data, lack of age verification and the (inevitable?) linkage to porn/gambling (etc.).
- Closed Bubble 1. We all benefit from having our biases challenged – it’s part of how teens learn, and how they become socially competent. There have been reports from the USA of significant impacts on those with fragile mental health who have been ‘persuaded’ by the ‘supportive’ chatbot to violently act out biases.
- Closed Bubble 2. A closed bubble will discourage the development of emotional skills, because in the real-world, real people are often challenging, (in contrast to a people pleasing chatbot). Being an adult means learning how to get along with diverse, different and difficult opinions.
Closed Bubbles are not great for human development, however comfortable they feel.
Generally an ‘AI Friend’ is not a substitute for human friendship. It may, however, reduce isolation for those at risk of the health and mental health harms that stem from loneliness and family breakdown.
For Parents and Carers.
How should parents and carers respond?
10 Tips.
- Whilst development of social skills starts from birth, it is never too late to learn. Family meal times provide a useful ‘space’ to practice emotional skills. (Don’t forget little kids need easier ‘rules’).
- Try to make time for days out, family visits, playgroups and clubs (if they are available). All produce discussion opportunities and provide lots of skills practice.
- Try not to shout when your ideas are challenged – older kids especially, delight in getting ‘the rise’ out of you. Toddlers ‘mirror’ and learn to respond in kind.
- Allow teens to socialise with you and your friends sometimes, as ‘observers’. They are using you as role models of ‘how to be adult’.
- When safety permits, allow teens to leave a family event if it all gets too much for them. ‘Short and successful’ is always better than a ‘stay for the full event time’ disaster.
- Don’t allow smart phones before mid teens at the earliest and keep them off social media for as long as possible.
- Use parental controls.
- Not all online activity is negative – find out where they are online and what the nature of the ‘chat’ is. Talk to them with genuine interest about their online activities. Gen Z live online as well as in the real world.
- Encourage (actively reward) a balance between online and real life interactions. Recruit family and friends when possible.
- An anxious or neurodiverse child or teen may need adult support to start and to enjoy a social group. Best it’s based around an activity they love.
Last thoughts:
An ‘AI Friend’ is no substitute for the real thing, however, for some it is better than being isolated. As the ‘responsible adult’, you are encouraging the development of emotional skills that they will use throughout their lives, it is important work. There is no ‘standard’ kid or ‘standard’ timescale. Individual kids have individual timescales for success and improvement.
Your next action:
Book a conversation about developing emotional skills in your kids – confidential and the first is free.
About Ann: https://theperformancepractice.co.uk/about/
[1] https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/mark-zuckerberg-on-ai-friendships_l_681a4bf3e4b0c2b15d96851d
[2] https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/10/12/what-does-friendship-look-like-in-america/
[3] Sias, P.M., Bartoo, H. (2007). Friendship, Social Support, and Health. In: L’Abate, L. (eds) Low-Cost Approaches to Promote Physical and Mental Health. Springer, New York, NY. https://doi.org/10.1007/0-387-36899-X_23
[4] Cleary, M., Lees, D., & Sayers, J. (2018). Friendship and Mental Health. Issues in Mental Health Nursing, 39(3), 279–281. https://doi.org/10.1080/01612840.2018.1431444